I promote myself as one of the great bridge theorists . . . but only after I have seen all four hands.

 

The one who knows is the one who goes.  (This has something to do with Captaincy).

 

I was giving a class on counting losers and started out saying: “This is a class on identifying losers.”  Then a voice from the back of the class piped up: “Where were you when I needed you 30 years ago?”

 

You can observe a lot just by watching!

 

Always an optimist:  a benefit of bad bidding is you get to play some atrocious contracts.

 

I play golf in the low 80’s.  If it’s any hotter than that , I won’t play!

 

Two ladies are playing (bridge) against Jim Linhart, who is 7 feet tall.  One says: ”Alice, hold your cards back, he can see them.”  Linhart says: “Alice, it’s too late.”

 

No 5-trick set doubled should be considered a failure.  It can always be used as a bad example.

 

Not all bridge jokes are created equal.  Here’s proof.  “Why did the man go hunting in a tuxedo?  He was looking for game in a black suit.”